


Autumn Leaves

by mizice90



Category: GOT7, SHINee
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Other, Post-Divorce, Single Parents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2018-03-03
Packaged: 2019-01-29 18:13:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12636471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mizice90/pseuds/mizice90
Summary: People often said that autumn is a beautiful season where the streets and sidewalks start to fill up with fallen leaves with varies colours of red, orange and yellow. It also remind of people of comfort where people start wraps up in cute scarfs, trench coats and boots as the temperature starts to drop. The parks start to fill up with some having their little picnic with family and friends while other just there to relax and catching up on their reading under the trees. While this might be true for a lot of people, it is a different story for Sarah. Every year when it grow closer to autumn, she just wish the time would just skip to winter. It wasn’t always like this for Sarah. She used to love autumn when she was little. She loves playing in a pile of leaves with her siblings. They used to throw leaves at each other behind their backyards. It all change when she was she lost her entire family in a drunk driving accident. As time goes on, she always have unfortunate events happening to her during autumn.





	1. Their past

**Author's Note:**

> Here are the main characters background:
> 
> Sarah Lee  
> -Works as an interior designer at an International interior design firm in Sydney.  
> -Born on December 24 1990 in Sydney, Australia and is a Korean Australian  
> -Grew up in Sydney, Australia but moves to Seoul when she was 18 years old to study  
> -Lost her entire family in an accident cause by a drunk driver when she was 10 years old  
> -Married young at the age of 23 years old and divorced at 24 years old.  
> -She was 1 month pregnant when she got a divorce from her ex-husband  
> -Has a 2 years old daughter name Lily that her ex-husband has no clue on her existence  
> -Moves back to Australia right after her divorce was finalise  
> -Lost all contact with her ex-husband after their divorce
> 
> Lee Jinki/Onew  
> -A k-pop singer and actor  
> -Born on December 14 1989 in Gwangmyeong, Gyeonggi-do  
> -Grew up in Gwangmyeong, Gyeonggi-do but moves to Seoul at the age of 18 for his singing career.  
> -An only child  
> -Got married at the age of 24 and divorced a year after  
> -Have no clue that his ex-wife was pregnant during their divorce  
> -Went separate ways after their divorce
> 
> Mark Tuan
> 
> -A K-pop idol (GOT7)  
> -Born on September 4 1993 in LA, Califonia  
> -Grew up in LA but moves to Seoul at the age of 16 for his training as a kpop idol  
> -Third of four siblings (2 older sisters and a younger brother)  
> -Been in Lily's life as her father  
> -Legal father to Lily

It finally March in Australia. Looking out of her office windows, Sarah can clearly sees that the leaves start to turn their colour. The season that she hate the most finally comes for a visit. Autumn. How she wish that she can control the time and just skip to winter. Every year during autumn, she always have this unease feeling in her stomach. Every autumn, without fail something bad bound to happen to her whether it is something small or big. it started when she was 10 years old, when her pricipal told her that she lost her entire family in an accident that cause by a drunk driver. Which resulted her to be place in orphange. She watched kids get adopted while she still at the same place. She has a few fail attempt in getting adopted that resulted her to lost hope in ever getting new family. She stayed in the ophanage until she reach a legal age where she has to take care of herself. That's when she decided to move to Korea and pursuit her study there. With the help of her bestfriend, Natasha that she grew up together in the orphanage. She manage to find part time jobs to help her pay for expenses plus with her inheritage money that she got from her parents help her pay for the tuition fees while in Seoul. Years of study finally paid off, when she manage to graduate with flying colours. Her first job was a bit off with her interior design degree, which is a marketing manager in JYP entertaiment which her task is to create marketing strategies for a soon to debut idol, GOT7. Through this works she was introduce to a lot of kpop artists that was how she manage to meet her ex-husband. She meet Onew during the beginning of autumn of 2012 and they become close friends right away since their personality just click with each other. Just before the autumn ended, Onew asked her to be his girlfriend. Sarah truly believe that the curse of bad Autumn finally ended the following year when they finally tied the knot after a year of dating. She truly believe that her happy autumn finally come. However, it all ended when she received a divorce paper with a post-it attached to it in her office just right before her marriage anniversary. What worse is that the paper was deliver to her by SHINee's manager not by her husband himself as if it is his way to say that his decision is final and there is no further discussion,  

_'Let's just end this.'_

That was all that were written on the post-it. Without any further explanation or even a sorry. 

To make matter's worse, Sarah receive the paper when she was getting ready to leaves Seoul to Sydney for a Got7's fanmeet. 

"I have no other choice but to sign this, do I oppa?' said Sarah while keep on staring at the paper in her hands

"I'm sorry Sarah. I tried to talk to him but he won't listen." replied Gyusik

"I have a feeling this might happen but I did not expect it to be this soon, He has been keeping his distance for the past 4 months."

"I'm sorry Sarah. I really didn't know whatelse I should do."

"Don't be. It's not your fault oppa. At least this divorce is only between the two of us. Imagine if there is a child involve in this, it will be way messier." said Sarah as she sign the paper and put it back into the file that it come with plus her little post-it note attach on the paper.

_'My last gift.'_

"Can you tell him that won't be able to take my stuff for at least 1 week as I will be out of the country for a week. I will pack up and move out of the house as soon as I come back. I will see him in court then."

"Are you sure about this, Sarah? You can try to talk to him first."

"There is no used oppa. I promise him that I will do my everything to give what he wants in our relationship. If he asks for an ending, I'm giving it to him without question. Don't worry oppa, I will be fine. I need to go now so that I can catch my flight."

"Alright. Call me if you need anything."

"Thanks oppa."

*****************************************************************************************************************************

It's been two weeks since Sarah return to Seoul after the fanmeet. She was getting ready for her final meeting with Onew and their lawyers on their divorce before the court hearing. It's been a tiring and emotional two weeks for her. Just when she was walking thru a park to get to her lawyer's office, her phone rang. 

"Hello." 

"Sa, I got your result." said Sarah's doctor which also happend to be her bestfriend

"Tash! So how was it?" 

"Are you sitting down right now?"

"Hold on let me find a empty bench."

"Where are you?"

"In a park near my lawyer's office. Hurry up and tell me. I already late for the meeting as it is."

"You're 1 month pregnant, Sa"

"What! No it can't be Tash. You can't play with me. Please just tell me you're joking!"

"Sa, you need to calm down."

"How can I calm down? I'm in the middle of getting divorce. This is not the right time to get pregnant Tash. How am I suppose to tell him about this while he is so adamant about not have anything to do with me after the divorce is final?"

"Listen to me. There is something else we found in your blood."

"What is it?"

As Natasha explain on the rest of Sarah's test result, leaves start to fall right on her lap. As if they are crying for her.

***********************************************************************************************************************

"How about your assets? How are you going to distribute your assests?" said Onew's lawyer

"Let's just divide all the assests equally. It will be fair for both of us." reply Onew

"Okay then. Any other request Mr. Lee?" said Sarah's lawyer

"I just want both of us to go back into stranger. It will be easy since there is nothing that require us to meet after this. If we happen to meet each other during work just pretend we don't know each other." said Onew

"So Miss Lee what do you think on Mr. Lee's proposal?" asked Sarah's lawyer that seem to wake Sarah up from her chain of thought

"I don't want anything from you Jinki. After all, money wasn't the reason I married you Jinki. It was love. I already lose that when you send Gyusik oppa to give me the divorce paper. There only one thing I need you to do for me. One last request." said Sarah while looking at Onew straight into his eyes

"What is it?"

"I just want a hug from you outside the court house once we offically divorce and we will remain as stranger after that."

"Is that all you want? Are you sure about that?" asked Onew finding it weird about his wife's request

"Yes. You have given me something that no one can. I just need one final hug from you." said Sarah while looking at the park thru the window of her lawyer's office.

_One final goodbye hug to give me strength on what I'm going to do._

*****************************************************************************************************************************

A week later, their marriage is offically over. Just as promise, Onew gave a final hug to Sarah.

"Be happy Jinki. Goodbye." said Sarah before letting go of their hug and walk away from her now ex-husband without a single glance back at Onew. 

With that final hug, two people countinue living their separate lives away from each other. As if their marriage never happen. 


	2. Her present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How many times did I tell you no running girls? I swear you girls have so much energy. How the heck you are not jetlag when you literally just get off the plane 3 hours ago?”
> 
> “Stop screaming at the girls stupid! They are just kids. I’m sure you are worse than them when you were little. It’s your fault anyway since it is your genius idea to buy them ice cream and now they are on sugar rush.” said the other in Korean to prevent the girls to understand what he is saying

Sydney, Australia

3 years later

Sarah truly loves her job. After all interior design is her passion. However, there are one thing that make her question her career choice. When she was force to works on Saturday. Sure it only happen when there are big projects with the dateline around the corner but when it happen she was force to find someone to babysit her daughter since her babysitter always seems to be out of town on the weekend. This usually led her to drop of Lily at Jackson’s brother house. That rare weekend unfortunately falls on this Saturday. Last night just as she managed to put Lily to bed, she received a text from her boss informing her that their client requested a meeting with them on Saturday morning. Since it is one of their biggest client, they have no choice but to agree on their request. With a sigh, Sarah immediately dial up Jackson’s brother’s number to ask him a favour to babysit Lily just until lunch time since it will be just a short meeting to explain on the design. As always he agree with the request since Lily and Aimee (his daughter) are best friend since birth. Like people say that being a single parent is not easy however the people around her make it 100 times easier. She truly thankful to the people around her, that willing to help out when time like this happen.

It 1 o’clock in the afternoon when Sarah finally walk out of her office building which located at Sydney CBD. The meeting took longer than she anticipate and now she is late to pick up Lily from Aimee’s house. Just when she was about to rush to her car. She heard her baby girl’s voice calling her and followed by the other little voices.

“Mommy!” shout a very excited Lily

“Auntie!”

As soon as Sarah heard those voices, she turn around towards the voices. Immediately after turning around, she was greet by 4 little girls running towards her with each holding an ice cream on their hands. Upon seeing the girls, Sarah bend down and open her arms wide to welcome the 4 girls in a hug. Sarah release the hug when she feels that the children have enough and begin to wipe their messy mouth with the wet tissue that she took out from her bag.

“Girls, you shouldn’t be running while eating. You might get an upset tummy later.” said Sarah while wiping each of them.

“Sorry auntie. We are just so excited to see you.” said the oldest of the girls.

“No worries. How did you guys get here? I mean the two of you not supposed to be in Sydney.” asked Sarah to the two oldest girls

“We took the plane here.”

“Obviously. Where are the adults? It is impossible that they just left the 4 of you roaming around alone.”

Just when Lily about to answer, Sarah heard a voice that she knew too well shouting at the girls.

“How many times did I tell you no running girls? I swear you girls have so much energy. How the heck you are not jetlag when you literally just get off the plane 3 hours ago?”

“Stop screaming at the girls stupid! They are just kids. I’m sure you are worse than them when you were little. It’s your fault anyway since it is your genius idea to buy them ice cream and now they are on sugar rush.” said the other in Korean to prevent the girls to understand what he is saying

“Mark? Jackson? What are you doing here? You guys are not supposed to be here until this Thursday.” asked Sarah

“Surprise?!” said Jackson that only cause the other to look weirdly at him

“Just ignore him. We’re here on a holiday. My whole family is here with us. Jackson and I are here to pick you up for lunch at the hotel we are staying in.” said Mark while giving Sarah a hug

“The whole family? You mean your parents are here as well.”

“Yup. Come on let go. They been waiting for us for a while now.” said Mark while holding firmly on Kylie and Leila’s hand each on his hand. While Sarah did the same to Aimee and Lily. As they just made 10 steps into their journey, Aimee suddenly tug Sarah’s hand to prevent her from moving further. Making all of them halts they journey. Mark immediately bending down to talk to her.

“What’s wrong sweetie?” asked Mark

“Uncle Jackson.” said Aimee while pointing out at Jackson that still didn’t moves from the previous place.

Immediately cause everyone to look to the direction that she just pointed at.

“Aish. Why isn’t he following us?” said Mark in Korean

“I think I know. Watch the girls for a while.” said Sarah before walking towards Jackson

Immediately upon reaching Jackson, Sarah give the tightest hug to him.

“I really miss you, kiddo.” said Sarah after releasing the hug.

Without waiting Jackson to answer her. Sarah drag the male towards Mark and the girls. Seeing how her uncle finally with the group Aimee immediately beaming with smile while holding her uncle’s hand.

“All that just because you wanted a hug from Sarah. You such a child, Jackson.” said Mark while shaking his head. Resulting Mark to receive a glare from the other male.

“Stop it boys. Come on it’s time to eat. The usual hotel right?” said Sarah which earning her a nod from Mark and Jackson.

With Lily in her hand, Sarah lead the ways to Hyatt Regency Sydney while the other follow her closely behind.


	3. Lily's Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Nice to know that my little princess still remember me.” said Sarah making Lily given her toothy smile
> 
> “Mummy, daddy is being naughty! He makes my tummy hurt! Scold him mummy!” said pouting Lily

After their lunch everybody decided to do a bit of sightseeing and a little shopping around Pitt Street. However after 2 hours of shopping, they decided to go to Hyde Park when the kids start to whine out of boredom (only because they already got what that want). This led the kids to cheer loudly attracting other shoppers that only send them understanding smiles.

Jackson being the ever so energetic and cheerful uncle that he is, decided to pick up the nearest two girls (which happend to be Kylie and Aimee) before taking off first to the park. Looking at what Jackson did, Mark decided to do the same with Leila and Lily (well you have to be fair to everyone right). Due to this, it got the grandparents worried and started to shout at them to stop running in Mandarin which only got ignore by Jackson and Mark. The rest could only shake their head in amuse looking at the scene in front of them. Even if the kids and their uncle are way ahead from the group, they can still hear their loud laughter. The group just take their sweet time walking towards the park since they know that Mark was there to be the responsible adult to take care of the children for a while (everybody know how Jackson is when he gets a little bit hype so basically Mark has to take care of 5 kids instead of 4).

When they reach the park, a scene of Jackson was laying on grass with 3 little girls on top of his preventing him from getting up while Mark was sitting a few feet behind them with Lily talking animatedly about her life that he miss when he was away on his lap greeted them. The two of them seems to be in their little bubble ignoring other people around them making everybody smile at the sight. Everybody with exceptional of Tammy (Mark’s older sister and Sarah that decide to take a seat at the bench) start making their way towards Jackson when Jackson start calling for help to Papa and Mama Tuan. Immediately upon reaching them, the three girls start launching themselves towards their grandparents making Jackson sigh in relief.

“Grandpa, we won! We beat the monster!” claimed Aimee, the youngest of the three.

“Wow! Good job girls. Come on, let’s go to the fountain.” said Papa Tuan

“Ok. Let me call Lily first.” replied Leila making both papa and mama Tuan look towards Lily and Mark

“No need. Let her play with uncle Mark.” said Mama Tuan after seeing the smile on Lily as she was so focus on telling Mark a story that she sure Mark has heard about it a million time from her whenever he has a chance to skype her judging from the smile that is on her son’s face.

“Ok. Let’s go Grandpa, Grandma.” said Kylie while dragging her grandpa in one hand and her sister in another with her grandma and Aimee followed behind.

“Hey wait for me!” shouted Jackson before running behind them

“Me too.” “Us too” in the end everybody end up following them with the exception of Mark, Lily and the two ladies that are sitting on the bench.

“Those two really in their little world. They didn’t realise that everybody’s gone.” said Tammy finding it amuse that her little brother is so smitten by Lily.

“That really usually happen. I suddenly do not exists in Lily’s world whenever Mark in the picture. This include whenever they are skyping. I begin to believe that she loves Mark more than me.” replied Sarah

“At the beginning Kylie and Leila were jealous at Lily since their favourite uncle attention no longer on them alone and they thought that their uncle Mark no longer loves them. We really have a hard time explaining to them that it’s not the case, it’s just that they need to share their uncle with Lily. We have to wipe a lot of tears whenever that happened. It was kinda funny and sad situation at the same time.” said Tammy in amused tone

“I’m sorry. They would not have to experience that if it wasn’t for me.” said Sarah

“Don’t be. They bound to experience that sooner or later.” replied Tammy

“Tammy. I’m truly am sorry. If I just told Jinki about Lily back then all of this wouldn’t happened. Mark would be spending his every break in LA instead of here.”

“How sure are you he would stayed if he knew about Lily back then? Both of you were young when the divorce happened and his career was his number one priority at that time. Let’s not forgot that he wanted nothing to do with you after your divorce. Plus all of us know that he has someone else at that time. He would not stay and you know that. That’s was the reason why you decided not to tell him about you pregnancy because you won’t let yourself to even get more hurt that you already were. At the end of the day whether you told him or not it will be the same. It is better this way. Lily got to feel how it is like to be love by family. The whole family adore and love Lily. Never once have we thought of you and Lily anything but family. To me Lily is my niece. My little brother’s daughter. My parents’ youngest granddaughter. My daughter’s little cousin.”

“Still Mark was even younger than Jinki when Lily was born and he just started his career at that time. He still willing to step up and help me out when we are just friends. He willing to sacrifice so much just so that Lily somehow manage to have normal childhood. Lily and Mark not even blood related at all. Even my ending with Jinki wasn’t the best but at some point in our relationship we were in love. I’m sure Jinki and I will work something out if he knew about Lily.” said Sarah while looking at Lily trying to get up of Mark’s lap only being stop by Mark tickling her

“Let’s me be honest with you. When Mark told the family he decided to adopt Lily, most of us were against his decision except for papa and mama even after he explain his reason. It’s not like we don’t like Lily or anything, it just that we thought that Mark was too young to be responsible for another human being let alone to someone that he has no blood relation at all. However, all of us change our mind when we see how they interacted with each other. It seems that they just belongs together even if they are not blood related. You said it yourself that they are always in their own bubble when they are together. That just show that they do not need to be blood related to be the best father and daughter pair.”

“I really feel bad about this. If I wasn’t..” said Sarah unable to continue. Afraid that she might end up crying if she finish what she’s plan to say

“Don’t be. It’s not like you asked to be given that or anyone to step up to help you out. Plus if it wasn’t Mark who step up. Jackson will probably do it. We don’t want that do we? You will end up babysitting for two children instead of one child. At least if anything happened to you, you can rest assure that Lily will be well taken care of.” said Tammy

Their conversation stop when Lily suddenly sat on Sarah lap.

“Nice to know that my little princess still remember me.” said Sarah making Lily given her toothy smile

“Mummy, daddy is being naughty! He makes my tummy hurt! Scold him mummy!” said pouting Lily

“Really? What did he do?” asked Tammy

“He keep on tickle me. When I asked him to stop, he said he can’t control his fingers since some monster decide to control his brain. I don’t even know what brain is. He make both my head and tummy hurt auntie! I don’t want to play with daddy no more” said Lily still pouting

“Okay. Auntie will scold your daddy later. Now would you like to follow me to see your cousins? You can play with them and papa Jackson instead of your daddy.” replied Tammy while getting up on the bench to walk to the fountain that everybody went to a while ago.

“Okay. Let’s go.” said Lily before jumping of Sarah lap as soon as she saw her daddy walking towards them with both hands full of shopping bags. With that the pair immediately walk off to the fountain where they can clearly hear the high pitch laughter of Jackson

Mark immediately take a seat after placing the shopping bag neatly on the ground near the bench.

“What did you two talk about? It must be pretty serious by the looks at it.” asked Mark as soon as he got comfortable

“Nothing. I’m just so thankful to you and your family. You guys have been here for Lily and I when nobody has. For that I’m thankful.”

“Is everything okay? Did Tasha said anything on your last check up?”

“Everything is fine. Don’t worry okay. I just didn’t have much opportunity to thank your family as much as I have to Jackson’s family that’s all. So will you be staying at the hotel or my house?”

“I’m sleeping where the heck my daughter is sleeping tonight. If she wants to sleep at the hotel with her daddy and papa Jackson, I will be staying at the hotel. If she wants to sleep at her home, I’m staying over.”

“You should stop spoiling her too much. Let her sleep on her own. She always end up begging me to let her sleep with me for a week every time you went back to Seoul after a visit here. Since she is so used to be sleeping next to you during the time you are here.”

“No can do. Let me just spoil her as much as I want. Is not like I’m able to spoil her every day. A week in every 4 months if I’m lucky. If you are worry that she might grew up into a spoil brat, don’t worry she won’t since she got a lioness as her mummy.”

Just when Sarah about to reply to Mark, once again her attention shift to 4 girls in front of her looking at her expectedly.

“Auntie, can Lily stay with us at the hotel tonight? We want to watch the fireworks and have a sleepover together. Uncle Jackson told us there is fireworks show tonight at Darling Harbour.” asked Kylie

Unable to resists their puppy eyes, Sarah found herself nodding at the girls’ request. Resulting a loud cheer from the girls and Jackson. She didn’t understand why the heck she agree on their request since her home basically a block away from their hotel.

“The hotel then. Jackson and I will walk you home after the show so that we can pick up Lily’s stuff.” said Mark grinning before joining the girls cheering.

 

_Lily has people that will be there for her. That is all that matter._


	4. His Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry Sarah. Please come back. I miss you.

**Seoul, South Korea**

Learning new choreography should be piece of cake for Onew. After all he has been in the music industry for almost a decade now. However, no matter how hard he practice, he still can’t get this new choreography down resulting him dragging his groupmate as well. They finally were given a 40 minutes break after 3 hours non-stop practice that wasn’t even making any progress thanks to Onew. After announcing the break, their chorographer went out of the room so that he can have his late lunch awhile SHINee’s members remain in the room too tired to even move a muscle. After looking at the boys’ condition their manager knew that they won’t have the energy to go out for their lunch and decided to just order for a take-out for them. Without uttering a single words, Gyusik called out to their usual restaurant to order their food and inform them that he will be there in 10 minutes to collect their order. With that the boys were left on their own in the room has witness their sweat and blood over the past decade. After a few of minutes trying to catch their breath and getting their heartrate back to normal, Taemin finally broke the silent.

“Jinki hyung, are you okay? Did something happened?” asked Taemin to their oldest

“Nothing. Don’t worry about it Tae.” replied Jinki not even bother to look at Taemin since he just too tired and have a lot in his mind.

“But hyung you have been pretty distracted as of recently.” replied Taemin not satisfied with his leader answer

“I said don’t worry about it Lee Taemin.” said in a very alarming tone which Taemin ignored it completely

“I’m worry about you. We all are.” said Taemin

“Since when did we even bother with each other business? As I remember, we agree not to mind each other personal business.” said Onew in a very calming voice which scare his members

“We know that we agree in separating our professional and personal business away from each other but when your personal business started to affect our professional lives we have to intervene.” said Jonghyun

“Look you can’t even get such a simple choreo down. Don’t tell us that it won’t happen again. This has been happening over and over again for more than couple of years. Every time one of us bring this up, you end up flipping out on us. We have been patience with you long enough. All of us know you have been through a lot but you can’t mix your personal life and career together. You bringing the band down. Let me freaking remind you that what happen is your own fault. You the one asking for an end, asking her to remain as a stranger and she’s just giving you what you asking by disappearing but why is it that you acting like you are the one that getting dump? It doesn’t make sense. You should be happy that she is giving you the life that you wanted.” said Key

“Kibum, stop!” warned Minho

“What I’m just stating the truth. He was the one that screw up! He cheated on her with someone that close to her, break up with her to be with the other and asked her to get out of his life! Now that he got all that, he regret it? It doesn’t make sense. Let me remind all of you, he asked for a divorced thru a post it note. A small ass note! He didn’t even have the decency to ask her face to face. To the hell with face to face, even thru a phone call would be better!” shouted Key

“Enough Kibum! Stop! Look all of us are tired. Let’s just end our practice for today. We will continue this tomorrow when we are all well enough to function again. I will inform our chorographer and manager about this. Rest up well and see you guys tomorrow” said Jonghyun before grabbing his stuffs and make his way out of the room. His action was followed by Key and Taemin.

Soon the only one that left in the room were Onew and Minho. It doesn’t seem like any of them plan to make a moves anytime soon.

“Hyung, don’t take what Kibum said to heart. He really didn’t meant to. He was just tired with his packed schedule with all his musical. You know how he is. He end up saying stuff that he didn’t meant it when he’s tired.” said Minho trying to get Onew say something after he remind silent after Key little outburst.

“Why? Everything that he said is the truth Minho. I did that to her. All of it. Not a single one was false.” said Onew

“Hyung.”

“I just want to know if she is alright. Wherever she is I just want her to be okay. She disappeared the day after our divorce Minho. She didn’t even hint on it. All I know is getting her final hug in front of the court house and the next thing I know Gyunsik hyung appear in my living room with a box in his hand that have everything that I ever given to her together with her goodbye letter. When I try searching for possible places that she might go, I realise that I don’t know her that well. I don’t even know where exactly her hometown is. I only know is she Australian. I asked GOT7 but all of them refused to tell me anything, not even a hint. It as if she doesn’t want me to find her. I have this feeling that she is hiding something from me. She won’t just disappear like this if it was only because of our divorce. She is not someone that runs away from her problem.” said Onew while absentminded playing with his necklace that have their wedding rings on it.

“Don’t worry too much about it hyung. I’m sure that where ever noona is she is fine. If anything happened to her, we must know it by now. No news is good news right? Come on hyung, let’s just go back to our dorm and rest up. We have long day tomorrow.” said Minho trying to cheer Onew up.

“Go ahead first. I see you at the dorm later.” said Onew without making any move as he plans to be alone in the practice before going back to their dorm. Looking at Onew’s reaction, Minho understand that his hyung just want to be alone for a while. With that he decided to just leave the his leader alone with his thought and quickly made his way out of the practice room towards the dorm he shared with Onew.

_I’m sorry Sarah. Please come back. I miss you._


	5. Coping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I did not give you the passcode to my house to find you drinking your life away every other night at my home bar. What happened, hyung?”
> 
> “I don’t have anywhere to go besides here. I can’t go back to the dorm at this state. Minho will be worried and start asking bunch of questions. I can’t go back to my house. Everything remind me of her. I can’t go to Kibum’s. He is mad at me. Taemin’s is not even an option. He is staying with his family. You are the only one option I have.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. I think this is the first time I talk to you guys in this fic. Before you guys start reading this chapter I have to warn you that this chapter might be hard for those who still trying to cope with the tragedy. I actually wrote this chapter the day before the tragedy and was planning to post it on that day. but when the news broke I know that it is not the right time to post it. I was debating whether to just discontinued or not for all my fic as Jonghyun's character hold important role in all of them. After thinking about it, I decide just to continue them as it is my way in coping with our lose. I want to keep every memory of him even it is just thru my fanfic because to me SHINee is 5 and will always be five. Even though it might be hard to read this chapter, I sincerely hope you able to enjoy even just a little bit. Till next time. Take care

Being able to go home after a day of full schedule always able to put a smile on his face. He finally able to unwind everything after a tiring day. He free to be himself without worrying anyone judging him. Sure there are occasional visit from his family and friends but most of the time it is just him and his dog which provide him the privacy that he was craving for. As usual at 2:30 am, he finally able to step in territory after the end of his radio program. He expected to have a dark house welcoming him however, he was surprise to see that his one of his light was on. More specifically the light at his home bar with a very familiar back facing him. Looking at the other state, he know that the other person has been in his house for a while to be that drunk. Taking a steady steps he walks towards the other male and immediately took a seat on the only other stool bar in his house. 

“I did not give you the passcode to my house to find you drinking your life away every other night at my home bar. What happened, hyung?”

“I don’t have anywhere to go besides here. I can’t go back to the dorm at this state. Minho will be worried and start asking bunch of questions. I can’t go back to my house. Everything remind me of her. I can’t go to Kibum’s. He is mad at me. Taemin’s is not even an option. He is staying with his family. You are the only one option I have.”

“Hyung you have to stop doing this. This will destroyed you. We all know that alcohol is not the answer. Never the answer.”

“I know that but Jjong I just want to stop feeling hurt. This here help me to feel numb even if it is for a while. I want to forget even if it for a moment. And this right here just the thing that able to give me just that.”

“Jinki please just stop. If you want to stop hurting. Talk to us. All of us can see that you are hurting but we can’t do anything since you refuse to tell us anything. You have been keeping all us in the dark. We found out about your divorce through the news after everything has been finalise.” said Jonghyun to a very drunk Jinki. He knows that it is pointless but a man just has to try right.

Maybe because of the drunkenness Jinki finally open up to people on what is bothering him. 

“When I was little my parents always said that I should be careful in what I wish for or else I might regret it. I never believe in that saying. How can I ever regret getting something that I always want? After more than 20 years of my existence I finally get what they were saying.”

“Jinki, if this about what Kibum said during practice just forget it. He is tired with his musicals schedule and you know that how much he hate practicing. He just saying things without meaning them.”

“Why? Everything he said was correct. I’m the one that file for our divorce and I am the one that asked her pretend that nothing ever happened between the two of us. Yet here I am regretting everything I asked for when she gave in to my requests. Kibum is right that everything that I deserve everything that is happening to me. I have no right to feel hurt that she left because I am the one asked her to.”

“But you didn’t asked her to disappear hyung.”

“I did. I told her to never appear in front of me. If ever we cross path we should just pretend that we are stranger. I should have known that she will take extra measure to fulfil my request. That’s what she always did in our relationship. She always give in to my request without even a care on how it might affect her. Just like how she signed our divorce paper without question, how she make it that it was her fault that our divorce happened to the public. When all of us know if anyone that should be blame in all of this is me.”

“No one is blaming you in this. Shit happened. Both of you were too young to settle down at that time. When you were that young sometimes you made stupid decision that you will regret it when you’re older.”

“She was even younger than me. You didn’t see her doing even half of the things that I did. Promising her that I would not hurt her and will always protect her were my exact words when I proposed to her. Yet I broke all my promises to her. It took me less than a year after our marriage to do it. I knew that I’m the only one in this world that she has and the only one that she put all her trust in and I just crush her just like.”

“Hyung it’s okay. Past is the past. The only thing that you can do right now is apologise and move on. You can’t continue drowning in your past mistake.”

“How can I apologise? I don’t even know where she is. The one that know about where she is refuse to say even a word. As if they don’t want me to find her. As if they are hiding something.”

“What are you saying, Jinki?”

“Her final hug is so different. As if she was seeking for courage from me. She never hug me like that before.”

“Hyung please stop saying nonsense. You are search for something that nonexistence. You making yourself feel more messed up that you already are.”

“You know what the most messed up in all this? When she last hug me, I could sense that something was wrong but I choice to ignore it because I thought that the woman that was hugging me is nothing to me but my history and a stranger from that moment on. Boy I was so wrong. Here I am. Drinking all my misery away in my bandmate apartment just because I’m unable to go back home since it’s a place where we were once called home.” said Jinki before trying to stand up 

“Where the hell you think you’re going?”

“Home. I think I can finally sleep at my house now.”

“No you are not going anywhere, Jinki. Not in this state. Come on let’s get you to bed. You need a proper rest.” said Jonghyun before bringing Jinki to one of his guestroom. 

As soon as they reach the guestroom, Jonghyun helped a very drunk Jinki to bed. Right after tugging the older to the bed, the silent of the night was broken when Jinki’s phone suddenly went off indicate there is a phone call. At first Jonghyun was planning to just ignore it but went he took a glance at the phone he realise that it was their band member that was on the other line. Knowing the other person might be worried he decided to answer the call.

“Hyung where are you? You know what’s time right now? Manager hyung told me that you left the company since 5pm. You should be here ages ago.” said Minho. Not even given Jonghyun a chance to alter a hello

“Ming. It’s me Jonghyun. Don’t worry, hyung is with me at my place.”

“He’s at it again huh hyung? This is getting worse day by day.”

“Look at the bright side at least he is doing this at my place. Not somewhere else. Don’t worry I’ll take care of him for tonight. Ming I don’t think that he will be able to make it for practice tomorrow. Can you please help me to tell manager that practice is cancel for tomorrow? Just tell him sometime come out with me. Tell the rest as well and please don’t mention anything about Jinki to them.”

“Okay hyung. Will do. I will come to your place tomorrow morning to take care of hyung since you have schedule in the morning.”

“Alright. See you tomorrow then. Have a goodnight sleep Ming.”

“You too hyung. Goodnight.” said Minho before ending the call

 

_ What am I going to do to you Jinki? _


	6. Unexpected news

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Mark…”
> 
> “I know that you are worried. I promise you that we will be fine. He can’t do anything. Not only Lily has my last name as hers, she has the same citizen as mine and yours, and in her birth certificate it stated that both of us as her parents. In the eyes of the law she is our daughter. The only one that knows the truth are my family and our close friends. We have the law behind us. So stop worrying. We will be fine.”
> 
> “Mark if this blew out. GOT7’s, JYP’s and your reputation will be in jeopardise. The public will think that you have a kid out of wedlock or even worst they will think that you are the reason that my marriage ended. I can’t let you take the fall Mark. You have done a lot for Lily and me.”

It’s been an exhausting day for Sarah. Having back to back meeting with her clients as well as her bosses take a toll on her and give her very little time to finalize her design on her current project. For the first time since forever she has to stay way passed her working hour just to finish the design for her client. Lucky for her, Mark is in town and willing to watch over Lily for her while she is stuck in the office. 

As she steps in her apartment, she was expected her little princess to be up and playing around with her cousins with slightly messy house since let’s be real those little children can be a little handy at times when they are together. However what welcome her is opposite from her expectation. The house is quiet and clean which she didn’t think is possible since she knows that Mark’s whole family were there earlier on. As she steps further into her apartment she finally hear the sound of her TV fill the apartment with Mark sitting in front of it giving his full attention on the TV show not even noticing her coming in. He only took a notice on Sarah’s presence when she finally sit next to him on the sofa. 

“You look beat up.” said Mark once he manage have a look at Sarah

“Damn exhausted. Where are the others?” 

“I send them off to rest at the hotel and Lily went to bed after helping me clean the house.” 

“Wow. That’s the first time you manage to get her to sleep on her bedtime. Congratulation Daddy Mark!”

“I guess all the cleaning manage to tire her up. Have you eaten dinner yet?” asked Mark before walking towards the kitchen.

“Nope and I don’t think I will. I just want to take a shower and sleep right after. I have an early start tomorrow and I don’t think I’m able to greet your members tomorrow until later into the night.”

“No. You have to eat. You skip your lunch just now. No worries. They probably will be hanging out here after practice and you able to see them after you come back.”

“How did you know that I didn’t eat lunch?”

“You told me over the phone remember. You were complaining on how your meeting got drag since your client is being an ass and you have to stay behind to finish his design since he wanted you to submit the design before 9. Come and have dinner with me. We are having Chinese by the way and don’t blame me for it. My dad thought that it is a good idea to introduce Lily to Chinese food since he notice that she only eats western food. She’s turning into banana. His words not mine.” Mark said as he’s setting up their dinner

The smell of the dishes on her dining table manage to bring back her appetite. After arriving at her dining table, she saw all her favourite dishes on it ready for both of them to devour.

“Hey you can’t blame me. It’s the easiest and most assessable type of food around here. I just need to go down and buy from the restaurant next door or I can just throw in a piece of meat with a bit of pepper and salt in the oven and voila I have my steak ready.” said Sarah before taking a seat opposite Mark.

“Like I said his words not mine. I don’t care what my daughter eats as long as it nutrition and fill her up. Banana or not she’s still my daughter.” said Mark before he start digging in his dinner.

“Speaking of your family why didn’t they stay over for tonight? They can sleep here for tonight.”

Mark halt on taking a bite on prawn dumpling after hearing what Sarah just said. Putting down his chopstick he start to point around the apartment.

“And where would they sleep at? In case you didn’t notice, I have a really big family and you only have 1 spare room.” smirk Mark before continuing eating.  

“Well at least they can stay for a while until I come back. I didn’t get the chance to speak with Grace and Joey yet.”

“You have plenty of time to speak with them this weekend during our concert. Besides the girls are tired from spending the whole day at the zoo. They were so excited to be able to feed kangaroos and wallabies.” 

“How can I enjoy your concert if I’m busy talking to your siblings?” argued Sarah

“Let me rephrase that, you will have plenty of time before, during and after the concert. Besides from the sound of your voice on the phone I know something is bothering you. Care to share?”

“Nothing really. I been thinking hiring someone to teach Lily some Mandarin. I meant she has been learning Korean since she learns to speak so that she can have something from my culture. It’s only fair if she do the same in learning Mandarin so that she always have something from your culture.”

“If you think that’s the best, I don’t mind really. You know that my Mandarin is not the best. Heck my Korean is even better than my Mandarin. So I don’t really care if she knows how to speak the language or not. However my parents will be delighted to hear that.”

“Great then. I can start searching for Mandarin tutor for Lily.”

“Great. Just tell me the price later. But that’s not it. There definitely something else bothering you. Spill it Sarah Lee.”

“Sometimes I really hate how well you know me Mark. I’ve been promoted at work.”

“So what’s the problem then? Isn’t that a good news?”

Putting down her chopstick before looking straight into Mark’s eyes before breaking the news to Mark.

“The problem is that the new job is not here. I have to transfer to different country.” 

“Are you worried that you might not fit in the new country? Come on you move to Korea when you were barely an adult and you don’t even speak the language fluently at that time. You will be fine. Don’t worry.” said Mark

“That’s not it. The problem is the place that they are transferring me to.”

 “Wait! Don’t tell me that it’s the place that I’m thinking right now.”

“Korea. More specifically Seoul, South Korea.” 

As soon as she said that, Mark immediately look at Sarah for the first time since they start eating dinner, giving his full attention on the women sitting in front of him instead of their food. A million thought were running in his head. One thing for sure one name keep on popping in his head.  

“How is that possible? As I remember, the company that you work for doesn’t have any branch in Korea. Why of all people they choose you?”

“The company opening up a new branch there and they wanted someone that are familiar with the culture and language to manage the new branch. Since they know that I worked in Korea before, they feel that I’m the perfect person for the job. Mark I’m truly scared. What if he found out about Lily and wants to take Lily away. You know that he has the power over there. I can’t win over him there. He has SM behind him.”

Looking at the state that Sarah in, Mark knows that he has to be the stronger one among both of them. He need to remain calm or else Sarah will break down.

“Don’t worry. Legally he can’t do anything. Since Lily is a Tuan not Lee. If based on the law Lily is my daughter. Besides if he try to do anything the whole JYP will back us up.”

“You don’t understand Mark. In Korea, we ultimately foreigners while he’s not. Every country will protect their citizens over foreigners. No matter how big our backup is we will lose to him. I can’t afford to lose Lily, Mark. She is the one that keeping me sane. I don’t know what I will do if I lose her.”

“Believe me that you will not lose her. We will not lose her. The transfer. When is it?”

“This Autumn. You know what worst in all this. I have to experience autumn twice this year. You know how I feel about the season. Nothing good even come out of the season for me.”

“Don’t worry you have me this time. I will protect both of you. I will make sure everything is ready for you and Lily by that time. Come on let’s look at the bright side, we will finally be living in the same place. I’m finally able to see my daughter grew up right in front my eyes.”

“Mark…”

“I know that you are worried. I promise you that we will be fine. He can’t do anything. Not only Lily has my last name as hers, she has the same citizen as mine and yours, and in her birth certificate it stated that both of us as her parents. In the eyes of the law she is our daughter. The only one that knows the truth are my family and our close friends. We have the law behind us. So stop worrying. We will be fine.”

“Mark if this blew out. GOT7’s, JYP’s and your reputation will be in jeopardise. The public will think that you have a kid out of wedlock or even worst they will think that you are the reason that my marriage ended. I can’t let you take the fall Mark. You have done a lot for Lily and me.”

Looking at how Sarah begin to panic, Mark stood up and decide to take a sit next to Sarah before taking her in his embrace in attempt to calm her down.

“Stop over thinking. Like I said everything will be fine. We will figure something up if that happened. Now stop worrying on something that is uncertain.” whispered Mark while keeping Sarah tight on his embrace.

 

_I hope you are right, Mark. I hope you are right._


End file.
